I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
