Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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