Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
