I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
