i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
