Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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