I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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