Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
