His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
