I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
