you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
