I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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