Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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