toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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