Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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