a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
