your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
