All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
