he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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