Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
