he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
