I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
