"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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