Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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