I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
