the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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