Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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