We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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