Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
