I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
