She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
