hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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