I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
