Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
