at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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