haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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