You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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