i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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