i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
