RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
