i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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