Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
