i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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