If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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