They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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