Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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