I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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