I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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