Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
