the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
