: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
