you have to choose: penises or morals?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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