My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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